Friday, 7 September 2012

Us. Now.

The blogging lark didn't get off to much of a good start to be honest.  I just didn't have the time. Didn't really feel I had anything of importance that anyone would want to read worth putting online.  Now with my emotions and thoughts all over the place, I have decided even if no-one wants to read it, it will be nice to write it down and get it off my chest.

Anyway, the last three months has been a roller-coaster of emotion, with Anest being born, her being rushed into hospital for 10 weeks, and coming out with an eleven week old baby with a Tracheostomy. All the things that go with that, and a baby being fed with a NG tube which requires a pump.  Then when you feel that finally everything is sorted, lets just get on with our lives until the day that her little beautiful body sorts itself out and all these foreign objects can be removed, some other problem appears....she's not holding her head up for long enough for her age, for some reason when she cries she makes no facial expression, and now there is a problem with her eyes and it seems very likely that she is blind. So now we have to wait three weeks for someone to see her to find out for sure and until we know all the facts, we can't move on.  We are in Limbo.  Looking for little signs that she can see SOMETHING, ANYTHING, and then you are afraid what you did see you imagined so it needs to be sorted once and for all.  Something we are told needs to be done as soon as possible, which to be means that week, but to the health profession means within three months.  

It just feels like one thing after another, just when you come to grips with one problem and think 'We can cope with that - it's not the end of the world' some other problem appears and you have to go through the whole thing again, googling it, trying to learn everything you possibly can, wishing you had not googled it and found out certain bits of information, denial, acceptance and finally just wanting to know the best way to get on with your life with that new problem.   It's hard sometimes, thinking something horrible, needing to say it aloud to somebody, but knowing you don't want to burden someone else with that thought, so things tend to build up sometimes it just has to get out.

Anyway, I've had my little rant, feel a bit better, and now I am going to rant about my next thing!
This house. Is. Such. A. Mess.
I've learnt through this all, that cleaning is my coping-mechanism.  When Anest was in hospital I'd be in hospital all day, then come home and clean manically.  I tried to keep it pretty clean so that when I came home I wouldnt have that much to do.  But with two other children as well, and a messy Fiance,  sometimes if someone kindly came to relieve me early, and I came home a bit earlier and the house was a typical run-by-man-and-kids mess then that would be it, I'd break down.
The whole hospital thing made me realise I was a control freak.  Everything had to be just so.  Things had to be perfect.  When they weren't I couldn't cope, and when they were I was fine and coping well.  It's strange.
It's the same now.  But now, I am in the house longer, I am noticing more and more things, things that could be over-looked when I was in the hospital because I wasn't home for long enough to notice.  And Now we have been given harder and more things to come to terms with and to cope with, and this house is not helping!

So, The In-Laws have taken the older two to the beach and for a picnic and in between sorting out Anest I am going to declutter this house.  That is the biggest problem. The clutter.  Stuff we dont really need. Stuff in the wrong place.  It's got to be done.  So am going to start with the kitchen cupboards because everytime you open them everything falls out.

I've been on the FLYlady website (fab website) it teaches you how to be organised and have the perfect house and to keep the CHAOS (Cant have anyone over syndrome) away.  I have made my control journal (you need to go on the website to understand) and I am ready to go.

I'll keep you posted!  

Sunday, 26 February 2012

A Series of Firsts:

Right, So CupcakeMumma has very nicely tagged me for the 'My Firsts' blog.  Let's have a go...

Who was your first boyfriend? Hmm. I believe first proper boyfriend was a boy called Chris when I was 13....looking at 13 year olds now though you think 'Good lord, far too young!'  Anyway, first love and all that.  Lasted about a year haha.  Which is quite good going for a first boyfriend really....What Can I say? Im just lovable haha! 
First person you kissed? Well it was when I was about twelve, so you can imagine just how rubbish it was.  He asked his friend to ask me if I would 'go with him'....anyway I panicked and thought that meant sex or something until someone pointed out to me it was just a kiss. Can remember it clearly haha.  He was a good four inches shorter than me (dont think he has grown much since either....)  and we kissed....with no tongues...was like two goldfish kissing...snogging with no tongues.  Needless to say...did not kiss him again.

First Job? Waitressing in a pub by my parents.  Quite enjoyed it.  Did waitressing for a good three years. Was only about fourteen at the time I started. Would never ever ever do waitressing again though! 
First pay packet. What did you do with it? No idea.  It was only for about £30, so probably just spent it on complete rubbish while shopping!

First CD you remember buying? It was one of the 'Now ' something albums.  May have been 48.... Anyway, I can remember it had that 'Im Horny' song and 'Im blue daba dee daba dyeee'. Haha.  Bought it in Macro....

First holiday abroad? I was 14 first time I went abroad, quite sad.  Went to Spain with my family and my uncle and auntie and cousins.  Got extremely drunk everyday and night with my cousins, had a major hangover when we came back...

What age were you when you moved out of your parents home?  About a week after my 19th birthday :) Moved into a horrible (seemed fab at the time) house and rented it for six months, then moved to the house we are in now in Feb '10 and have been here for two years now, but will be moving again shortly because we have officially bought out own house woooh! Will take about 6 weeks though!


Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Me Time.

Had a lovely valentines day with the Mr, had a cosy night in, ordered an Indian and watched a couple of episodes of Mrs Browns boys (Not very romantic telly choice - but bought the Mr the box set for valentines day so had to be done...)

Then spent today up the farm with my parents and the minions, needless to say my wash basket is now full again after all the mud they managed to plaster themselves in!  It was pretty much empty yesterday! Anyway, we all got our dose of fresh air and feel better for it!  Then this afternoon spent it sitting in Singleton hospital waiting room to see a consultant...who was supposed to be seeing me at 3.15pm and actually called me into her room at 4.50pm. :| Needless to say, not impressed.  So didn't get back to pick up the minions from my parents house until 6.15pm, where the Mr was waiting for me and informed me he was going out at half seven.  (I knew he was going out....just thought it would be later!), so mad rush back home, cooked food for him...aka re-heated last nights Indian for him...I'm afraid I don't eat re-heated food personally! Especially takeaway. Haha. 

So anyway, he has gone.  You would think that this would mean 'oh thats nice, after the kids go to bed a bit of 'me time'.' You would be mistaken.  After he went, Little Miss got taken up to bed, then it was battle with Little man to get his PJs on ready for bed, he finally went up at quarter to eight, I have had a quick shower, before coming down and on here to write this before getting down to my 'me time' which is going to consist of...
-Tidying up the kids toys
- Once the tumble dryer has finished Iron what is in there
- Chuck a wash on to try and empty the laundry basket again
- Wash the Mr's dishes which he kindly just dumped by the sink....
- Catch up on a bit of uni work
- Take some beef out of the freezer ready to make Cawl tommorow.

- Collapse into bed.

As you can see, there is no 'me time' there.

The only 'me time' I actually get is the half hour between getting into bed and going to sleep and reading my book.  Which I cant even say is every night because every now and then the Mr decides to come to bed early and will TALK to me throughout my reading....something I hate. Something he knows I hate but doesnt understand therefore keeps doing it! 

So, on with my 'me time' or what my 'me time' actually is! 


Monday, 13 February 2012

Fresh start.

So my new year resolution of keeping up with this blogging lark has so far failed, as has the house work plan....
although I do have a genuine excuse having bad news at my twenty week scan.  For those of you that do not know, they picked up a couple of things with the baby's brain and things were not looking good for three weeks...back and forth to Cardiff Heath like a yo-yo, last appointment was last Friday.  Went there expecting the worse, expecting to be going back in today in fact, to end the pregnancy.  A horrible thought.  One that I couldn't get out of my head or escape for for the past three weeks after seeing the most horrible consultant in the worlds History who pretty much told me, either carry on as if nothing is happening or abort the pregnancy, whereas carrying on without them doing more tests was not an option.  However, I saw the consultant I originally was supposed to see last Friday who freaked out that I had been given that option in the first place, and who told me that everything is absolutely fine, and that the baby is going to be completely normal.  Admittedly the things they pointed out are still there, but they aren't going to make a difference to the baby.
So looks like we are going to meet our baby girl after all! (Once again, my gut feeling was wrong and we are not having a boy...haha...).

So, anyway, a fresh start.

The house has been cleaned top to bottom in celebratory style after receiving the good news on Friday, my laundry is pretty much up-to-date and have been in PlayZone all afternoon with the kids, dont know who is more worn out us or them!
So all in all a good weekend and start to my new fresh start plan.

Also, very excited we have been to see a house twice and decided to put an offer in this afternoon after trying all morning to get hold of the financial advisor - who was off with the Flu so failed miserably. So decided to do it tomorrow after talking to her, only to receive a phone call from the estate agent at dinner time to say someone else has put an offer in! So madly put an offer in, first rejected, second possibly accepted waiting to hear back from them so looks like it will be in the morning now.  Will somehow have to wait until then! And hopefully get in touch with the financial adviser ASAP.  

On the Uni work front, not really doing that good. Three weeks of not really doing anything constructive has taken its toll on my uni work load, but fortunately my tutor has been informed of what is going on and they are perfectly happy for me to submit my next essay late.  Which is very nice and understanding of them, cant imagine my last tutor would have been quite as understanding! 

Anyway, enough waffling for now.  Just updating everyone with my life at the moment. 
And am actually going to make a point of blogging more regularly. Am quite enjoying it when I do it! 

Beth xx

Friday, 6 January 2012


So it seems apparently, I am not very good at blogging....both content wise and regularly!  Which is a shame because I enjoy reading friends blogs and I want to do one too!  So here is my second, and hopefully much better attempt!  

2011 has been a fantastic year:
-Managed to go on two lovely family holidays - one to Devon, and another to Butlins.  
-Our gorgeous little man turned three and our beautiful sweetpea turned one.  
-The Other half managed to get a good job with the council - meaning better wages and closer to home....saving almost £200 a month on fuel bills....
- I found out that I was expecting baby number three
- Had an amazing Christmas...and every penny spent was well worth it just to see the look on the children's faces :) 

There are so many more things I could list....but I dont want to bore you to death...

My new years resolutions of 2012 are....
- Be more organised - with housework, uni work, laundry...all the usual I seem to be constantly behind on! 
- Make more time to do more stuff with little man and sweetpea...surely taking them for a walk at least once a week is no huge task! 
- Spend more time in the house doing crafty activities, or just playing on the floor - ignoring the housework completely....
- As soon as the baby is born get on a mission to get back to my pre-sweet-pea weight...which didn't happen in between this baby and sweet-pea but it has to be done before this wedding!  
- Make effort for EVERY Friday night to be mine and the other half's 'date' night...Which goes back to my if i'm on top of my uni work/housework/laundry then that will be possibly surely?

Well I have my 20 week scan on Thursday, and cannot wait.  Even though Im 90% sure I am having a boy....even though I did say that with sweetpea....and she was not a boy...haha! Will have to wait and see...even though waiting isn't a strong point...afraid I dont have much choice.

So starting tommorow, I am going to clean the house from top-to-bottom, do at least an hour of pure uni work (Facebook is going to have to be banned during Uni work time...) and get on top of my Monday I can start as I mean to go on...

But for now, I am going to abandon the Uni work I have been attempting to do, go have a nice relaxing shower and put my Jim-Jams on and snuggle in front of the telly with the other half and watch (against his will) Coronation street....

Bye for now